grocery list to begin healing.

2 years of surface-level therapy with a therapist marketed to Christians

(I’m an atheist, or spiritual, or a mysterious third thing.)

5 self-help workbooks for anxiety, for OCD, for BPD, for ADHD…

before I was able to see these are all just symptoms of the Thing.

at least 25 sessions of beating around the bush…

(I have nothing to say in therapy, so let’s just talk about work) —

my body kept the score.

my body knew the truth.

my body trapped the words I couldn’t find.

1 psychiatry visit, the delivery of The Story, the prescription of the catalyst.

36 mg ritalin, is that myself i hear?

9th of july, back again. my brain forgot, but my body knew.

my body knocks with a whimper and a nod —

‘hey, look over there!’ the Voice that is Me says and hides in the fog.

maybe it’s time, my body is screaming. this was when i learned to listen.

the jot down of a poem,

the peace of an asana.

a review for a local matcha shop,

an unexpected friend,

the last chapter of a book.

this it how it has begun -

let me show you how it will continue.

my body kept the score. my body knew the truth. my body trapped the words I couldn’t find.